Only requesting one type of segregation

Wow, look at that Greek God! Oh wait, that's me bearded and 15 pounds lighter. Those were the days.

In a quarterly effort of beating my body to a pulp a trying to create a new record for reciting the only memorable quote from Lethal Weapon, I decided to sign up for a half-marathon training at a local running store (redacted). I won the training during a silent auction, so I might as well use it. Besides, my whole "one-man wolfpack" routine wasn't working out other than looking for strippers and cocaine (calm down, it's a movie quote). So, it was a common-sense move for someone that wanted another crack at the White Rock track...but only half.

Picture yourself, waking up at four-fifteen in the morning every other day (Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday). In the waking moments, you stumble around in the darkness looking for all of your new and updated running accoutrement. The Garmin watch is clear across the way from the specially-designed running socks which is opposite room of the quick breakfast pellets to snack on pre-run. While the sleep is trying to escape your eyes, YOU HAVE TO DRIVE to the running store where the group meets (quick aside: I hate the fact I have to drive to run. I should just run...but it is a bit far for a warmup jog from the house...still hate that, though).

The car is in park. The inventory continues: watch, visor, car key separation, water bottle belt, Sports Beans, heart monitor, forgetting to powder your thighs and tape your nipples but you will tough it out. There is now a constant pile of a change of clothes and towels for the aftermath. As the truck doors are locked, there is a deep inhalation of a warm, almost radioactive, air rising from the roads that are about to be run. Get ready for 05:15...that's when it starts.

Sounds fun, right?

With record temperatures for the past--oh--sixty days (!), oh-dark-thirty is about the only safe time to attempt a run more than four miles. But it's not the waking or the anticipation of tearing my body down that ruins the group runs for me.

Maybe it's my background of adolescent locker rooms and two hulking brothers also into sports or just my general comfort level with my company during athletic endeavors...but there is an element to my group run that makes me dread Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday (other than the avoidance of alcohol on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday--boo!).

"You know, this is almost as hard as child birth."

"Oh my gosh, it is so hot out here. And I'm tired."

"You can tell that race doesn't cater to women. There race shirts were awful."

"My assistant is such a moron. She can't do one thing right."

"Are you on travel because I'm not on travel if you are on travel."

"Have you read 'The Help' or are you going to see the movie first?"

You guessed it. It's not the time or day or the strain of effort, it's the fact that I am running with a dozen women that just won't stop talking. Jeezie Chreezie, it is five-fucking-fifteen in the morning! What the hell is so important at 5:15 that you have to prattle on about it for four miles? I don't care about your job. I don't care about your kids. I don't care that you had to invite a person you didn't want to invite to happy hour. It is 5:15! Why are you talking? Stop talking and run!

Now, I don't mean to be misogynistic. And damnit if I'm not the first one in line to say I love women. To boot, all of these women in my running group are beautiful and athletic. Plus, I don't want to degrade a system that has been around a lot longer than my lone-wolf ass. The unnamed running store has fantastic coaches and a great system that keeps runners alive. For those facts, the store has nothing to do with my consternation of the group. I guess I just need to run faster.

The aimless chatter issue came to a head when we had to consolidate running groups due to a shortage of coaches. The addition of the dozen or so ladies that have nothing to do but to talk and run consumed the full-marathon group we latched onto. Ladies talking to new people...silence didn't stand a chance. The overwhelmed coach asked everyone to keep the volume down to no avail. Poor homeowners in affluent neighborhoods were subjected to my every-other-day hell.

In this case, I think a bit of segregation wouldn't hurt. Granted, the groups would be super small. My current group of 15 would be whittled to three (including me). And the limited conversations (you know, because we are running six friggin' miles at five in the morning) would be a bit more soluble.

"I sold my S2000 for a Mercedes Benz. I do miss that little Honda, though."

"Ah, that hill wasn't that bad, was it?"

"I just farted. Watch your 12 o'clock." (I made that one up because no one has had the balls to say that yet.)

I know this is merely an extension of what these ladies do while we are running. I complain. I gripe. I moan. But at least I'm fully awake when I do it. Don't get me wrong, the ladies in the group are very nice and I have had a couple of conversations, including football, with a couple of the runners. But man, sometimes it's nice to lose yourself in the run with the safety and protection of the group. Realizing I will only get that at the final mile when everyone is gassed is a saving grace. Let's just say group runs and solo runs have their respective pluses and minuses.

Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) It's hard not to over-think the obvious when the analysis begs for re-examination. However, sometimes the easiest answer is the best answer.
2) Don't you hate it when your state-sponsored cyber attack tools and strategy is leaked? Yeah, me too.
3) "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
BONUS (while writing this post): Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean it got out of hand really fast.

So, I am going to continue to take my medicine for the next 12-13 weeks, silence or lack thereof. If you see me not finish a beer or cocktail, it's because all this running is souring my taste for getting drunk (which is really messing with the image). Need to start locking down study time and fantasy football time. How about that collision of priorities. Talk later.

Garbage Time - Sports are great until television ruins it

How the hell did Brian Cardinal get back to Dallas so soon after the game?

I called Mavs in 7. I was wrong. Oh well. Once again the sports spotlight is focused on the fair city of Dallas (not Arlington, thankfully). I am happy for the Mavs and all of their devoted fans. I am pleased to see the city in sports euphoria. What I was not pleased about was the NBA coverage ABC served on a cold plate of LeBron James.

As a small placation from the four-letter network (you know, the guys that run the sports operations at ABC since the mid-nineties—Disney), they have instituted an ombudsman…of sorts. In years past, they have employed journalistic hard hitters to show their teeth to what is wrong with ESPN and what they are doing right. This seems to alleviate the “too big to fail” axiom of “hey, we have a watchdog…see?” Now, they don’t call it an ombudsman anymore. ESPN pulled a Dell and has just outsourced to a media analysis team that yield not-as-impressive credentials as some of the previous Knights of the Veil.

Here now is my open letter to ESPN, ABC Sports and the Internet as a whole as three talking heads and a production truck tried to ruin my good time. I don’t know if they read it. Actually, I don’t care. ESPN has just gotten so damn big that I am the skull that the Skynet machines run over and turn to dust on a daily basis. But hey, at least it makes me feel better.

I'm confused. I thought Tyson Chandler was taller...and less female?

To the Poynter Review Project (via ESPN.com)

Unfortunately, my complaint and observations may seem biased due to my geographical location. However, I would like to disclaim any sort of presuppositions with a bit of background as you did with your Poyinter Review Project mini-biography. And I have had a couple of days to think about it.

As a lifelong Spurs fan, I have enjoyed a good streak of fandom from 1987 (when David Robinson was drafted), to the new awareness of playoff basketball, to a renaissance in 1997 (when Tim Duncan was drafted), to the championship runs in starting in 1999 and, most recently, in 2007. With that, I have watched hours of NBA coverage with all the networks. When ABC took over the Finals telecasts in 2002, ABC and ESPN brought a superior production value covering my beloved Spurs three times as they would reach their championship goal. The Finals series matchup between the two conference champs were the focus with ABC/ESPN coverage as the athletes and team personalities were featured in a secondary light. The game on the court was the most important storyline with the professionals broadcasting the game.

Due to previous commitments made with ESPN in the previous free agent season, this year’s Finals coverage made an erroneous left turn into a brick wall.

I guess ESPN/ABC sports had to continue the failed path of “The Decision” all the way to the end. It was obviously good television as the ratings windfall for Mavs/Heat hit highs not reached since 2002. People did want to see LeBron James, in whatever capacity “The King” would display his South Beach talents—to fail or succeed. However, your broadcast team completely forgot 1) there was another 12 players in away jerseys defending against the Heat and 2) there were four other Heat players on the court handling the ball.

The broadcast team of Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson were incorrigible in their blatant disregard and non-attempt of objectivity with their play-by-play and commentary throughout games 1-5 of the NBA Finals with a complicit production team. It’s as if the other team (the champion Dallas Mavericks) was transparent in their eyes of LeBronVision. In Game 6, the booth and the production truck started to turn a corner as the momentum was too difficult to ignore, but only marginally as they both continued to focus on replayed missed jumpers and hot-potato passes by James. Never have I watched such a broadcast where the primary objective was to follow James on his solitary quest from the May 2010 announcement to the coronation of the King ESPN always wanted to crown.

It would take a massive amount of naiveté and blind faith in objective broadcast journalism to think ESPN/ABC would not be tainted by “The Decision”. The fingerprints were everywhere as SportsCenter devoted 35 minutes on an inadvertent shoulder bump from James to coach Erik Spolestra—in December. I should be giving credit instead of rendering shame for the stick-to-itiveness of the story, which is one man in a team sport with 30 other teams vying for the same goal. However, this strikes a negative cord in one of the primary tenets of journalism: do not make the byline writer the story. Every nudge toward James smacked of the spin being performed, either purposefully within production or unconsciously with editorial. But again, naïve thoughts like this do not compose the national collective of broadcast journalism.

I also understand the broadcast team has to give the fans what they want. However, the execution was completely off target that is ruined the actual play on the court. Finals MVP Dirk Nowitzki would shoot a 15-footer in the second period of Game 2 with the broadcast collective continuing their discussion of how great James has been on defense. If the viewing is disconnected from the broadcast, that is a failure of the broadcast. Sure, fans listen to sports pundits such as Charles Barkley, but that sort of braggadocio is better reserved for the halftime, post-game or pre-game show. Van Gundy and Jackson (and unfortunately in certain points, Breen) have that flare for confliction and aggravation. Again, this is what our current sports broadcasting construct consists of. But it was as if the other team (the Mavs) was an absolute afterthought. By halftime of Game 3, I had the play-by-play on mute opting for the Mike Tirico and Hubie Brown radio broadcast.

Is there a “fix” for this? Partially, Mark Jackson is departing for the Golden State Warriors. But that is only a personification of the bigger problem. The following season will allow for incomplete story lines striving for closure. SportsCenter will once again follow training camp of the Heat and all 82 games will have the microscope set to 100x. The only “wish” I have for the next time the Finals roll around is that there is a certain amount of cognizance when broadcasting the next two teams, as opposed to the solitary chess piece that should be the sum of their parts.

Thank you for allowing this platform of critical analysis of the ESPN/ABC Sports product. This is a great evolution of understanding sports fans have evolved from the weekend watchers to the sharper eyes and ears that need to be heard to continue to (try to) enjoy the every-expanding ESPN product. Who knows, this Finals broadcast could be a successful spinoff to the ESPN original series featuring James and his exploits.

So...for what it's worth...

Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Hey, Houston Rockets fans...calm down. You have two, the Spurs have four. Can't the Mavs have this one? One? Good gravy.
2) There should be something about planning a parade BEFORE the champ is crowned.
3) No, I have not been converted, thank you for asking.

Thursday's the parade. It's in the neighborhood, so why not? Kinda cool. Then to a wedding, in Houston. I will review the coolness of that next post. Talk later.

The Prodigal Son Returns...then leaves again

This photo did not make the cut for People of Wal-Mart.

It was inevitable.

I had to go back. There was no two ways about it. I had to return to Corpus. I had to return for probably the best social and athletic event that scary town hosts. I say scary because I did NOT want to fall into the trap of calling it "home". It's not home. I logged many-a-year in the township with the Latin name. I was NOT coming home...I was visiting Corpus. I'm sorry, that's just the lexicon I am using and comfortable in using. So, there.

Beach to Bay is the biggest athletic event the city hosts aside from a random area or regional state playoff game. It's been going on for 35 years and the participation makes this a destination event (even though it's mostly locals that take part). So, I wasn't going to make my triumphant return to the Sparkling(?) City By the Sea some loungefest of drinking and gallivanting (though I did fit that in).

With six months away from Corpitos, I did have my usual eye-rolling moments when walking back into the scene of the crime, so I am not going to bore everyone (my three readers) into the individual episodes and vignettes of humanity's backhand. Instead, I am going to go the SportsCenter route and just hit the highlights. I will go two low, three high so we can keep this love-fest positive.

Hate number one - I have bantered about this before to anyone that has bemused me with attention, but it kills me every time. I know Corpus is home to the 130th media market (takes a one-point improvement from last I checked), but one would think a market sandwiched between Columbus, GA and Chico, CA would try a little harder.
The once-proud Corpus Christi Caller-Times has not only minimized their content, but they have printed a smaller paper. In comparison with the mighty Dallas Morning News, they have cut an inch from the horizontal margin and two inches from the vertical margin. So, their cost-saving move is not to advertise more but to limit the actual news print with the inches of paper. Hope that maneuver has saved some jobs, but it has definitely compromised content or the potential thereof.
Then, to turn on the radio is even more nightmarish. Yes, yes, bitching about the Clear Channel virtual hijacking of the airwaves of Texas is like complaining that TGI Friday's is too campy. I know, I know, it's a dime-a-dozen argument that doesn't attack a bigger problem. But good lord, this is some terrible radio. Their excuse for a rock station is the play list of a strip club in the 80's. The only saving grace is Monty Montana, and you know he has be be on suicide watch every other day leaving that musical wasteland. I mean, they have a segment called "Hair Cuts". It should be named, "other hair bands we don't play all the time because our boss got mad at us". And when did ESPN radio take over three FM frequencies? Do the good people of Corpus need three different wavelengths to hear the Astros absolutely suck this season?
Then there is the television media. I know everyone has to start somewhere, but the production value combined with terrified talent makes you long for public access...no, no not the Alex Jones polished public access...the bad one. The limited coverage of the biggest sports event the city has speaks for itself. There were over 14,000 runners showing up to run one race. You would think that an economic shot in the arm to a depressed South Texas town that begs for this kind of action would use a bit more than a 30 second segment to explain how awesome it is to have 14,ooo+ people in one place doing one thing. Oh, sorry, they all weren't running from the cops, so that's not interesting enough for the bleeds-leads axiom these small minded news organizations can handle.
Yeah, I know what to expect. But I am still surprised.
Then again, no media market is perfect...I mean no market.

Hate number two - If there is one thing this city can benefit from, it's inter-organization planning committee. What do I mean? Simply put, this city can't plan for shit. Corpus is large-ish in the relative sense (286,000 at 2008) but small enough to know when the biggest running event will be conflicting with anything else--for example, graduation ceremonies Texas A&M-Corpus Christi. They were graduating their biggest class ever, just shy of 900 students. Now, I'm no cotillion mother, but wouldn't scheduling two large garden parties on the same day (separated by mere hours) be a bit of a faux-pax? Why have the biggest two spring events on the same weekend? Why even try to handle the lodging and entertainment nightmare when you can get two economic boosts instead of one windfall saturated with drunken co-eds and drunken runners? You don't have to act like your bigger brothers to the north. You can prevent these sorts of collisions. A little bit of foresight never killed anyone.

Love number one - Beach to Bay is a fun race. Granted, this year had it's share of obstacles, but it is still a fun track with great concept and an excellent finish line. You will never see so many teams with the word "beer" on the listing because of the good times had by the finishers once they are done. It also helps that this race is done outside the Texas marathon schedule so rookies and veterans can return with the same dumb smile on their face. It also doesn't hurt that the run is on the Texas coast either.

Love number two - This is a relative argument because I have some more analysis to perform, but if someone wants to walk away from a bar with a reasonable tab without having to perform any favors, then Corpus is the drinking hole for you. Granted, the huge qualifier is that the selection in most drinking establishments is limited, but for what these bars (no pubs) have is some cheap drinin'. And that is not all a bad thing because you are nursing some sore muscles (if you are running hard enough).

Love number three - Let's face it, I wouldn't bother with the planning, training, anticipation or execution if it weren't for the people.

Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Don Weber is the smartest MFer I know. Why, you ask? Well, he reminded me of a very, VERY important fact: beer and pizza are both carbs. So, if I carb up for my next race all I have to do is grab a six-pack from downstairs and order Domino's. Party on, Don C. Weber. I will go forth and do good things!
2) When you are at a sushi restaurant, always assume that a saketini is a large beverage and not a shot. Also, if you order saketinis for the table, go ahead and open up that wallet because you, my friend, are buying.
3) Whenever you have a very good run, you always want to follow it up with another run. The endorphins are ridiculous. So, yeah, we have a running schedule now.
BONUS: I didn't know Corpus was also on "The Cleveland Show". Wow. I miss one episode while out of town and this is what I miss (Ep 21, 17:10 mark).

I would like to thank all the friends and family that put up with my North Texas smugness enough to have a meal or a drink or a slap in the face. I appreciate it. The whole six months have been a whirlwind combined with a cold shower. I loved getting grounded once more to recharge the soul, psyche and overall demeanor of my current self. I cannot thank all the involved folks enough and do not have the bandwidth so show my love and affection for all of you. It definitely is not a trip...to Corpus...without you. Talk later.