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At the Jewish Mother in VA Beach...yes, it's called the Jewish Mother.
Let's get this link party started!
To be a total copycat of my former boss and current badass, I wanted to gain some more technical and operational training in the field I have fallen in love with. Then again, a lot of folks of the liked mindset are doing the same thing. So, let's go get certified!
The visit was to a lovely beach venue which was a disconnect for my self-discipline. Why pick beautiful locations where it is very difficult to focus? Can't SANS hold training in Detroit or Fargo or Cleveland? Can't get distracted there.
To break it down to all my non-techie readers (all two of you), SANS is the quintessential training organization specializing in Information Security and technical controls. It's a destination for most worker bees like me. I ended going the introduction-to-intermediate route taking SEC401 Security Essentials. It's the intermediate school for GIAC, which I though would be a good fit.
Some notes for my techie readers (all four of you): if you are thinking about acquiring your CISSP, this course covers seven of the ten disciplines within the exam. It's not a bad review. Granted, CISSP is more of a leadership certification as opposed to the technical nature of the GSEC (certification from SEC401). It's an argument that will be fought back and forth with ISC2 and SANS, but it's really trying to compare limes and lemons--both are good in your professional margarita, but what is your preferred flavor...
If you have already have your Security+ from CompTIA (vendor neutral): this is a great refresh. Granted, I am blessed with a company that allows me to run away for the training I think is needed personally. However, if you are pressed for cash and time and you already have your Sec+ gunning for your CISSP, you might want to uptick to Certified Incident Handler (GCIH) or Certified Intrusion Analysis (GCIA). I know the dollar bills are a big deal with a lot of companies and training regimens. So, bang-for-buck ratio is huge. My current InfoSec mentor mentioned that 401 might has been a bit remedial. However, for people that have little to no background on Linux/Unix and cryptography, this class hits the mark for level of challenge.
It's hardcore training. It's ten hours for six straight days. And it's classroom training, a la lecture and slides. That might not be the flavor of training that some people prefer, but I can dig it. Besides, it's no where near the braincrusher that is MCSE bootcamp. Eff me.
Of course the side story was: I'm at a beach. What could go wrong? Well, if you answered "absolutely nothing", you were correct. My feet, covered with Vibrams, touched East Coast sand only once. That's how focused I was. And that's how important this post-graduate study is. The tech field is so fluid and the use of legacy and revolutionary technologies (mainframe systems trying to support iPad updates...it's not as crazy as you think) it's imperative to stay mentally sharp.
Admittedly there are two arguments I have with SANS. As awesome and powerful of a name SANS has within the tech market, why price the items so high and why not aim for accreditation. I know it's cheaper than a semester in Austin...the really big school in Austin, but if it's upward to 4000-big every class, why not aim for education accreditation as a bona fide post-graduate program that is a total hybrid? Hell, it's the University of Phoenix can collect accreditation (along with quite a few other web-enabled institutions), why can't SANS do the same thing, especially if they are pushing the product.
So, who's up for DEF CON?
Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) No matter how warm you think a venue is, pack sleeves. Beaches are seasonal, but hotel rooms and conference quarters can be ff-ff-f-f-freezing.
2) Never...ever...run in swim trunks. I would show a link or a photo, but yeah, that's just not right.
3) Yeah, no one asks me anymore about joining Facebook anymore. Mmmm, I wonder why?
Next up for the mental gymnastics is the actual GSEC exam. I have 120 days to shut this door, but it will probably be wrapped up sooner than that. After that, it's going to be the physical challenge. Beach to Bay was only part of it...Harbor Half and White Rock, here I come. How do I plan do balance shift work and a marathon workout? Talk later.
It was inevitable.
I had to go back. There was no two ways about it. I had to return to Corpus. I had to return for probably the best social and athletic event that scary town hosts. I say scary because I did NOT want to fall into the trap of calling it "home". It's not home. I logged many-a-year in the township with the Latin name. I was NOT coming home...I was visiting Corpus. I'm sorry, that's just the lexicon I am using and comfortable in using. So, there.
Beach to Bay is the biggest athletic event the city hosts aside from a random area or regional state playoff game. It's been going on for 35 years and the participation makes this a destination event (even though it's mostly locals that take part). So, I wasn't going to make my triumphant return to the Sparkling(?) City By the Sea some loungefest of drinking and gallivanting (though I did fit that in).
With six months away from Corpitos, I did have my usual eye-rolling moments when walking back into the scene of the crime, so I am not going to bore everyone (my three readers) into the individual episodes and vignettes of humanity's backhand. Instead, I am going to go the SportsCenter route and just hit the highlights. I will go two low, three high so we can keep this love-fest positive.
Hate number one - I have bantered about this before to anyone that has bemused me with attention, but it kills me every time. I know Corpus is home to the 130th media market (takes a one-point improvement from last I checked), but one would think a market sandwiched between Columbus, GA and Chico, CA would try a little harder.
The once-proud Corpus Christi Caller-Times has not only minimized their content, but they have printed a smaller paper. In comparison with the mighty Dallas Morning News, they have cut an inch from the horizontal margin and two inches from the vertical margin. So, their cost-saving move is not to advertise more but to limit the actual news print with the inches of paper. Hope that maneuver has saved some jobs, but it has definitely compromised content or the potential thereof.
Then, to turn on the radio is even more nightmarish. Yes, yes, bitching about the Clear Channel virtual hijacking of the airwaves of Texas is like complaining that TGI Friday's is too campy. I know, I know, it's a dime-a-dozen argument that doesn't attack a bigger problem. But good lord, this is some terrible radio. Their excuse for a rock station is the play list of a strip club in the 80's. The only saving grace is Monty Montana, and you know he has be be on suicide watch every other day leaving that musical wasteland. I mean, they have a segment called "Hair Cuts". It should be named, "other hair bands we don't play all the time because our boss got mad at us". And when did ESPN radio take over three FM frequencies? Do the good people of Corpus need three different wavelengths to hear the Astros absolutely suck this season?
Then there is the television media. I know everyone has to start somewhere, but the production value combined with terrified talent makes you long for public access...no, no not the Alex Jones polished public access...the bad one. The limited coverage of the biggest sports event the city has speaks for itself. There were over 14,000 runners showing up to run one race. You would think that an economic shot in the arm to a depressed South Texas town that begs for this kind of action would use a bit more than a 30 second segment to explain how awesome it is to have 14,ooo+ people in one place doing one thing. Oh, sorry, they all weren't running from the cops, so that's not interesting enough for the bleeds-leads axiom these small minded news organizations can handle.
Yeah, I know what to expect. But I am still surprised.
Then again, no media market is perfect...I mean no market.
Hate number two - If there is one thing this city can benefit from, it's inter-organization planning committee. What do I mean? Simply put, this city can't plan for shit. Corpus is large-ish in the relative sense (286,000 at 2008) but small enough to know when the biggest running event will be conflicting with anything else--for example, graduation ceremonies Texas A&M-Corpus Christi. They were graduating their biggest class ever, just shy of 900 students. Now, I'm no cotillion mother, but wouldn't scheduling two large garden parties on the same day (separated by mere hours) be a bit of a faux-pax? Why have the biggest two spring events on the same weekend? Why even try to handle the lodging and entertainment nightmare when you can get two economic boosts instead of one windfall saturated with drunken co-eds and drunken runners? You don't have to act like your bigger brothers to the north. You can prevent these sorts of collisions. A little bit of foresight never killed anyone.
Love number one - Beach to Bay is a fun race. Granted, this year had it's share of obstacles, but it is still a fun track with great concept and an excellent finish line. You will never see so many teams with the word "beer" on the listing because of the good times had by the finishers once they are done. It also helps that this race is done outside the Texas marathon schedule so rookies and veterans can return with the same dumb smile on their face. It also doesn't hurt that the run is on the Texas coast either.
Love number two - This is a relative argument because I have some more analysis to perform, but if someone wants to walk away from a bar with a reasonable tab without having to perform any favors, then Corpus is the drinking hole for you. Granted, the huge qualifier is that the selection in most drinking establishments is limited, but for what these bars (no pubs) have is some cheap drinin'. And that is not all a bad thing because you are nursing some sore muscles (if you are running hard enough).
Love number three - Let's face it, I wouldn't bother with the planning, training, anticipation or execution if it weren't for the people.
Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Don Weber is the smartest MFer I know. Why, you ask? Well, he reminded me of a very, VERY important fact: beer and pizza are both carbs. So, if I carb up for my next race all I have to do is grab a six-pack from downstairs and order Domino's. Party on, Don C. Weber. I will go forth and do good things!
2) When you are at a sushi restaurant, always assume that a saketini is a large beverage and not a shot. Also, if you order saketinis for the table, go ahead and open up that wallet because you, my friend, are buying.
3) Whenever you have a very good run, you always want to follow it up with another run. The endorphins are ridiculous. So, yeah, we have a running schedule now.
BONUS: I didn't know Corpus was also on "The Cleveland Show". Wow. I miss one episode while out of town and this is what I miss (Ep 21, 17:10 mark).
I would like to thank all the friends and family that put up with my North Texas smugness enough to have a meal or a drink or a slap in the face. I appreciate it. The whole six months have been a whirlwind combined with a cold shower. I loved getting grounded once more to recharge the soul, psyche and overall demeanor of my current self. I cannot thank all the involved folks enough and do not have the bandwidth so show my love and affection for all of you. It definitely is not a trip...to Corpus...without you. Talk later. 
Little problem = sleeping schedule. Bigger problem = read below.
I'm not sure what is better: knowing you have a character flaw and tabling the correction until it explodes or not knowing you have the flaw at all.
The scenario: my comfort level for travel in and around DFW has been limited to the major airports, North Oak Cliff and anything up US 75. It's not that I don't like travel and it's not the issue of traffic. My fatal error is that I can't be comfortable going anywhere around North Texas unless I know exactly where I'm going and know how to exit when I have to. I know it might sound silly for some folks that love to err on the side of whimsy, but I'm sorry. If my spacial intelligence is not satisfied, then I can not carry on with a right mind.
Forensically and historically, I'm not really sure how this came about. When I was younger, my family did have trips and we did travel to places that we didn't venture to every day. I didn't live some sheltered life where I had to follow the yellow brick road. I don't get it and I can't explain the origin.
The only thing I can relate it to is the simple example of a grocery store. Most times, people select the closest store for convenience. Say you go to the new store specializing in organics and other assorted goofy food bits that they have now. In the new store, you don't know where everything is, it takes you longer to find the needs, you end up buying a bunch of junk you don't need, you don't know the shortcuts and the nuances like with the local store.
Well, when I don't know the new store like I want or like I should, there is this hidden anxiety that shows up. It's the anxiety that shows up when you know you are out of time or you missed something important. I'm just one of those people that want to know where the fire exit is...the one person that actually reads the safety instructions before a flight...call me crazy.
The one big repair I need to do is to not freak out about it. I don't know why I get so annoyed when I don't know exactly (to the coordinate minute) where I am. But when I lose that sense of control, I lose my temper. I have no reason for it. I need to fix that. Where's the duct tape?
Technology helps. Granted, Garmin makes a good product, but it doesn't make up for my mental shortcomings. I do feel like I am ready for a GPS upgrade, but maybe my settings are off. Why does it want me to go headlong into interstate highways and toll roads? Yeah, it's probably the settings.
Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Little and little, more by more, the Dallas Spurs fans are showing up...and I keep running into them.
2) The better the pizza, the worse it is on the reheat. Trust me.
3) I feel better about my training coming at the end of May.
So, with that catharsis out of the way, I need to prep mentally and physically. Two weeks out for Beach to Bay and this will probably be my worst run EVER. Maybe I can buck up and get ready...but I am cutting it close. Talk later.
Colt is getting some looks from some teams...hopefully not from this angle.
- It starts with the Super Bowl and now it continues with the Draft. What the hell is up with the red carpet garbage? It's the draft, not Plush. It's bad enough these players haven't made a football dime and they have a suit ensemble more expensive than my truck.
- Three months ago, the 1-2 was Suh and G. McCoy. Now it's a broken quarterback that couldn't finish the Texas/OU game because he doesn't know how NOT to land on his throwing shoulder. Obviously, Bradford has never wrestled with his dad in the living room. Got to learn how to fall or Sam will be a bust.
- Why don't teams go for their most important need as opposed to try to fit in the best available? That never makes sense to me. Why am I going to by a Mercedes when I don't have a roof over my head? Why buy the steak if I can't afford ramen noodles.
- There is a reason why the first teams in the draft are where they are. Bad offensive line and bad front seven. One draft pick is not going to do it. I'm starting to buy the whole Colin Cowherd Top-down approach for sport franchise success. If your management stinks, there is no hope, no matter how many draft picks you have.
- Just to be honest, if I was any of these talented athletes, I would be a little bummed if I was shipped to Detroit, Cleveland, Oakland or Buffalo. C'mon, I don't want to play football in a football wasteland. It's difficult for me to filter out the bullshit from the genuine sentiment. At least the Oakland weather isn't THAT miserable.
- It's a damn shame that we can't have Todd McShay versus Mel Kiper all year long. I know it's not meant to be hilarious, but it is.
- Yeah, sure, I like to keep track of the Longhorns. But then it I get distracted and pay attention to the Cowboys and Patriots all over again. Thus, my attention span is torpedoed. So much easier to focus just on college football than to bounce around nine-eleven teams in the league.
This is seriously the most useless exercise in the creation of Western civilization. All of these predictions and wild guesses mean absolutely nothing. These men haven't played a down. Yet there is so much stock and time burned with analysis that may or may not translate. We don't do with with the NBA (unless we are paying attention to the Draft Lottery...embedded hilarity). We don't do this with baseball (because we have a hard enough time keeping up with 378 games...or something like that). We definitely don't do this with hockey (some 17 year-old Canadian went somewhere...okay). Who knows if any of these men will work out, especially with millions of dollars and on the good side of their twenties.Lessons Learned, my three things.1) Seriously, this night shift is really messing with me. I have had the worst running times in my life with strange sleeping and eating patterns. I would be lucky to go sub 9/mile.2) I can waste my money of plenty of things, but it will not be a 3D HDTV.3) Beer in growlers are only good for 48 hours. I wish they would have told me that at NXNW a month ago.Okay, I need to waste more time tweeting about the 239th pick. Talk later.
The graveyard shift is doing a number on "family time".
It was a rewarding trip to Waltham...I'm delineating Waltham from Boston not only because of distance, but because I was in Waltham ninety percent of the time and just happened to fly into Boston. Anyway, it was a rewarding trip to Waltham. I got to meet the bosses, we did some non-technical training and partook in lots of team building (accidental and purposefully). Plus, my healthy disdain for GPS devices was reinforced on the old and somewhat-unsafe roads of Eastern and Coastal Massachusetts.
Then, we had to get back to work.
It's no secret that our operations are now 24/7 (or 24x7 if you are writing code). When service is extended with such a time frame, certain concessions have to be made to perform all tasks and objectives set within the mission. So, I took one for the team. No, no, not in that way (get your mind out of the gutter).
How did I take one for the team, you ask? I had to cover the graveyard shift. Initially, I thought it would be no big deal. I would just have to flip-flop my daily routine to accommodate the change. Well, it's easy in theory, but in practice it's a whole 'nother story...especially if you were programmed for 0700-1600 shift for most of your professional life. Sure, you think it will be the easy switch, but who knew I was such a fan of daylight?
It's little things when it comes to such a change. Of course the commute will take less time getting there because not a lot of folks are on the roads...unless it's a Friday night. Trying to wind down when the Today Show is still on is a difficult mental trick as well. But keeping the mind active when more than half of the electronic world you are monitoring is asleep...that's been the real kicker.
But people take one for the team all the time. Whether in social situations or professionally, we "take the graveyard shift" at some point. Our motivations change and our reasons vary, but when we know we have taken that sacrifice for a good reason (not merely to satisfy some self-centered goal), we know we have the capacity of other wholehearted endeavors. If there is a greater good involved, then we know why we do it. We understand why dad had to work weekends and nights. We understand why mom has to travel. We see that absence but we know why it's there.
Therefore, I hope everyone understands why I haven't called or written in the last couple of weeks. Sure, I can give you the short version that my sleep patterns are a bit off. But the big picture is what matters. And that's how you know you have grown up...just a bit more.
Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) I do not understand golf or golf fans...and I never will. They will continue to cheer an amoral Tiger Woods while scoff and cheer for the demise of a golfer in Phil Mickelson that has two(!) members of his family CURRENTLY and simultaneously suffering from breast cancer. Pardon the language, but what the fuck, golf "fans"?
2) Therapeutic optometrists can also write prescriptions. I did not know that.
3) There sure are a lot of new people moving to Dallas. The last stat I heard was every day, 300 people move to DFW.
Hopefully this mea culpa explains some things (especially the photo). Got some fun things coming around the bend (despite the poor scheduling issues) including my triumphant return to Corpus. But that's in about five weeks. I will scrounge some things up meanwhile. Until then, talk later.
So, P30P is not winning a Pulitzer this week. It's just more incessant complaining on what used to be and what will never be again. Call it the Andy Rooney approach.
I spent twelve years of my childhood in San Antonio, where I learned my appreciation for good Tex-Mex and Spurs basketball. When you are young and "poor", it's the little things you tend to appreciate. As a perfect attendance award winner at Pecan Valley Elementary, we were awarded a free dinner at Pesos Cafe every six weeks we achieved the goal. The cheese enchiladas were great, but they were free and as an eight year-old. About 10 years ago, my parents and I went back to Pesos for the same traditional menu and ornate goofiness you would expect at a 20 year-old Tex-Mex restaurant.
"Welp, you can't go home again."
Those were the only words I remember my dad saying the whole time we were there. I'm sure he said some other important things, but this statement resonates for the depressing realization of the passing of time.
Fast forward (then hit rewind) to last weekend. Of course, as the timing pattern would have it, The Lovely and I would land in Austin for a third consecutive year for the last weekend of South by Southwest (SXSW). The tradition continues for us, but the insanity seems to exceed the previous years by indication of the local annoyance levels.
Sure, it was the perfect storm on Friday night with South-by out-of-towners roaming about and the old Thursday Night crew coming in from out of town as well. But when driving in from MoPac onto 5th Street under the cover of night...welp, you can't come home again...anymore.
Off the bat, you see this monstrosity scraping the formerly tranquil skies of Austin. Seriously, this is the biggest sore thumb I have seen in a while. It has to be 50-75 feet taller than anything else, if it's an inch. Once driving down 5th...it's absolutely ridiculous. It's the absolute opposite of "gun store, gun store, liquor store, gun store". It's high rise, retail space, parking garage, high rise, retail space, parking garage, rinse, later, repeat. Yeah, sure, California real estate is retarded (satire!) but that doesn't mean they have to develop downtown Austin like some gentrification experiment on speed.
I didn't recognize the place.
I hate to get on the old man platform, but it's pretty bad that ten years ago the UT Tower was on of the top five tallest buildings in the city...ten years ago! I don't know if I made up that stat up, but it sounds good. It was also the perception. The sleepy college town from the sixties and seventies grumbled with nineties expansion. Now you have...present day Austin.
Granted, I don't want to sound like the huff that complained about the Frost Tower or the DKR expansion. Austin is blowing up - has been for the last fifteen years. Slackers and professionals alike are still moving to the capital city in droves even if they don't have a job, a plan or any permanence to sustain living in the 512. If there's expansion, there has to be growth. I just didn't think it would be all vertical and saturating one zip code.
So, I did not go "home" last weekend. I was previously forlorn every time I had to leave my beloved Austin. Now, with the unrecognizable characteristics, Austin has become the ex-girlfriend that has a kid and never lost the baby weight. Oh well. I have my Dallas to fall back on.
Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Uh, yeah...SXSW 2010 final score: a) crowd is either getting out of hand or b) locals are getting more and more crabby. I am scoring this a draw.
2) Sure, the food might be marginal, but Baby A's have fantastic margaritas. Remember kids, a cab or a DD is ten times cheaper than a night in the clink.
3) As much resistance as there is with Texans and toll rolls, Toll 1 should be a case study in how to do it. Stress-free, worry-free, check's-in-the-mail system that works for me and gets me where I need to be sooner than effing I-35.
For those that are unaware, I will be shifting to vampire mode starting this week. If you can't tell by the post time today I will be doing work overnight from here on until...I don't know when. It will be an interesting three months, especially with SANS, Beach to Bay and other training goodness. But nevertheless, if an email or text or phone call is in order, I will always answer the bat phone and respond to the bat signal - day or night. So, please bear with me as I haven't been this nocturnal since my wedding night. Talk later.
From this perspective, every topic is random
Let's be honest, I think I speak for everyone when I say that the first three months of oh-ten have been retarded (I used satire). On this eve-eve of St. Patrick's Day - the day he drove all those snakes from Ireland then we appropriately drink green beer at two bucks a pitcher (what?) - and on the eve-eve-eve of The Madness (what, you haven't filled out your seven brackets yet?), my brain and consciousness can only handle scattered thoughts and expanded Twitter entries. So, why don't we load this literal shotgun of scatter-shot and see what we hit, shall we?
I start with a question: would you rather have full job security with all the benefits you could think of, but have to work the absolutely worst shift known to man OR work for a spot with a shaky stance for continued employment with the hopes that someone might pick you like it's some grade-school dodge ball game? See, that's a trick question because I already made that call. However, the worst shift to man is terrible (ref: Cleveland Brown, "Terrrrrible"). Come 29 March, I will clock in...at 11PM. Yeah, you read that right. HEB shelf stockers have a better shift than I do. It's a 10-hour schlep with three on and two off. So, I'm like the fireman of cyber security...but it's not a 24-hour shift. Well, that parallel didn't make me feel better! Anyway, that's coming. At least I get to visit Boston before I turn into a vampire. But it's okay, sports fans. I signed up for this. But, I won't be doing this tour forever.
Responsibility is an awesome power because it gives you foresight such as, "hey, I think we should take a cab tonight." Might I say that cabs are brilliant. Whoever thought of cabs is a certified genius. I go out. I get silly. Someone drives me home. It's absolutely brilliant. It's so effective in it's simplicity that I kick myself for not using cabs earlier. Yeah, I will admit it. But, seriously, this cab thing is awesome.
Is anyone else in the camp of celebrity-news-makes-me-lose-brain-cells? I know I can't be the only one thinking, "Why do I care what Jessica Simpson thinks of Gabby Sidibe? Wait, how do I know who Gabby Sidibe is? Oh, never mind, I know why? Because she was on 'The Soup'. I watch 'The Soup' to shortcut all the terrible television out there so I don't have to suffer through it." I just can't be the only one. But seriously, why is Charlie Sheen's (his name is Estevez!) court appearance infiltrating coverage on POTUS's last push for health care reform? Granted, John Boehner has a Hollywood orange skin-coating...err...tan. But still, leave it out. Baby steps toward Idiocracy is not a winning formula.
I think everyone should go out to dinner on a school night. There is a 100% possibility that you will either end up with heartburn or a hang over, but sometimes enjoying other people's company on a night you wouldn't normally reserve such activities for, it adds that fear of, "oh, I have no idea how I am going to feel tomorrow, but damnit, I am going to have another scotch." Sure, the risk is there, but sometimes the reward is just getting out of your comfort zone, even for a few hours, to throw that hair back and feel like a man (or woman) of leisure. It's a great feeling, especially if you have accomplices.
I may have to go into a part two, but that's enough shotgun target practice for today.
Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Nothing against my surrogate home town of Austin, but if you ever have to plan anything in that crazy city, DON'T DO IT DURING SXSW (no hyperlinks needed, just search austin360.com, wired.com or sxsw.com and you will understand the Charlie-Foxtrot that city is right now until Sunday).
2) Amazing that a miserly nerd can a) get a show on TELEVISION and b) scare the eff out of everyone simultaneously. Where's my agent?
3) This town does St. Patty's Day (weekend) right. Great job, Dallas Drunks.
So, sneak preview of next week's post...the Inglorious Basterds of Whiskey Bar are having a reunion. The only difference is...we all have WAGs (wives and girlfriends). Very...very...extremely interesting. Oh yeah, and it's during the last weekend of SXSW. Yeah, I am going to need to post this. Talk later.
At the Jewish Mother in VA Beach...yes, it's called the Jewish Mother.
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