I believe we can turn the phrase "baby crazy" correctly for the next five months, at least for the Garner clan. Fortunately, "baby crazy" is completely different, definitionally-speaking, than "baby insanity" chronicled from the last week of NBC's Today Show/Dateline coverage.
Tangentially, I can't handle walking two dogs at the same time. How the hell does a single-mother from California handle 14 kids--eight delivered simultaneously--and a botox injection before wasting Ann Curry's (and by default, America's) time? That's about as bad as wasting Guinness's time with all their useless records...but I digress.
The proud Mamas To-Be Garner, Hilary (left) and Lisa. (Nov, '08)We welcomed August Grayson to the family on Wednesday. He is healthy. Mom is healthy. Dad is exhausted. And all are blessed. However, as any good sibling rivalry goes, one good accomplishment will follow another. Not that this is a competition (readysetgo!). More on that later, however...
Gavin Andrew is on the way. Everything is par for the course as far as his mom and dad. He kicks down the door sometime around May. We have no clue if Gavin will be of the same "dimensions" as cousin Augie. But, let there be no doubt, that with kiddos this close in arrival, comparisons will be made. Just like with the brothers before them.
Apparently, I was the winner of the big baby contest amongst the four siblings. Lots of predicating that did, as I am still the runt of the litter (sorry, Sis, just comparing the boys). But, I am glad the comparisons end there with the brothers and me. Meaning: the lovely wife and I are totally off the hook.
I am totally indebted to my brothers for releasing an unstated pressure that always comes when one is married and settled and stable...now you have to breed. Thank you Mom, for stating in no uncertain terms that all of the siblings are different and we can do whatever the hell we want. And yes, I believe those were her words.
So, Grandma and Grandpa Garner (insert uproarious laughter here) are visiting young August for consecutive weekends. And I am putting down good American money on the wager that Granny and Gramps (more laughter) will do the same for young Gavin as well.
Whilst all this activity is happening, the lovely and I are waiting. No, we aren't waiting to bask in the glory for the next Garner in line or try to organize time with Nanna and Paw-Paw (I can laugh all day with the grandparent aliases). We are just biding our time. To be the coolest Auntie and Uncle ever, you have to wait until the new boys are at least...five...maybe six? At least the age went they can sprint full speed in fear of injury. I can't wait.
Thanks for taking that hit for me fellahs. Suckers. I'm never going to be a dad (says the man in the Peter Pan tights).
Also, I would be remiss if I did not give big ups to Josh and Amy for their expectation as well. Emma will be here soon, Josh. Please do not stress any more than you are required.
My Three Things (since I last posted)
1) Nothing is sadder than going to Circuit City right now. Doesn't matter what city you live in, it feels like you are in the ribcage of week-old carrion. And it smells that bad, too. As macabre as it is, I wonder who will be the next giant to fall?
2) I am not a fan of birthday parties for two year-olds. As if the kid is going to remember the metric ton of toys he will break and clothes he will grow out of in six weeks. Give the kid some cake and call it a night.
3) It's good to know you are valued at work, but it's even nicer to know you don't have to worry about Doomsday while you are away on vacation.
Quick editor's note: I am going to be off the grid for about two weeks. No phone, no Twitter, no email, no snarky retorts, no "nuthum". So, see number 3 of My Three Things and don't stress out upon this news. I will be back renewed and rejuvinated for my next posts.
You will have to trust that my CONTRIBUTORS bring the pain like I do while I'm away. That's not a threat, that's a promise. Talk later.
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