A Conversation with Death

In memory of:
Maria S. Ramirez
1936-2009
Narciso Salinas "Chicho" Luis
1936-2009
Russell Hugh McMains
1946-2009

Pardon the repeated theme, but it seems to be reigning the headlines. However, eff the headlines. In most cases, micro has much more impact than macro.

Recently, the thought of death was passing. This week, notsomuch. Guilt set in when I was reminded that it only takes two and a half hours speeding southbound to get to abuela's house. It sucks that you get those reminders when it's a bit late regardless of what Dad said, even though it wasn't a big deal to visit.

Compound that with the complications I learned with abuela's two weeks in the hospital, and I was reminded that death has a precursor. Let's just say it was a textbook case of what happens without a living will and an executor. My dad with the help of my sister and my uncle took care of the rest of the unpleasantness that you don't think about until it's either too late or too-too soon.

So, after all of these necessary evils, Dad and Sis have figured out they want two things: 1) no suffering if everyone knows the prolonged treatments won't do any good and B) cremation seems to be all the rage. Unfortunately, that is a start.

It's too much to process that turns quickly into a slippery slope. If it's not the "what to do when I am sick", it's the "what to do when I finally depart". Then, after, it's the "bury, cremate or other". Then it's the "what to do about the memorial". Then, you always have the "when I go, I want a party" comment. But really, when is there a party when someone just died...unless you are a despot or mass murderer. It's way too much to process especially when you are the one that just passed.

When you grow up and you see loved ones leave, you have to start making difficult decisions. The big lesson learned is (as a reminder): our time is finite. Regardless of how well or lousy we take care of ourselves, we must still depart. I feel there is a lot left to do. My impact is still awaiting, but in the effort to remind myself to get something drafted, I want to post my wishes on the Internets to not only remind my readers and beloved, but also myself. To thyself, stay (somewhat) true.

• Dad and Sis have a good idea. Cremation is a pretty decent way to do it. No open caskets where you look nowhere near as well as you used to or no pine boxes where you stare at unfinished wood. Nah, "ashes to ashes" sounds better than the Bowie track.
• My ashes should be released on the Colorado River. Sure, do it in Austin, or do it in San Saba County - I don't care. Just as long as it gets me to the Gulf, I should be fine.
• So, I mentioned a party. Yeah, don't worry about gathering on my account. If you are going to be at my drop zone, fine. But don't suffer in suits and ties and summer heat on my account. Make that wish happen and move on. It's bad enough I have wasted people's time with dying on them.
• No effing eulogy. I haven't done anything but damage bank accounts and smile at photographs. And even if my impact was felt on people that weren't my immediate family/friends, I still wouldn't want one. Again, quit wasting people's time.

Wow, that was macabre.

Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) It's not really a three-day weekend when you are busting ass still trying to move into the domicile all three days.
2) I have a new-found respect for Andy Roddick. At the very least, he is coach-able.
3) If you are trying to "say tober" at a bar, take it easy with the water-back with the adult beverage. It kinda backfired for me. So, maybe I should just not drink to stay sober, period.

Well, enough of this Fourth of July wholesome goodness. I think next week, I will blog about my favorite "area" rock band as they make their return to the Bend of the Coast. Who knows, I may go all Huffington Post or Daily Beast on this gig. You know, without the aggressive liberal spin and the political banter. Until then, talk later.