If not for me...do it for the kids (Hoot 'n' Hollar '08 with Jordy Cartier).As we have mentioned before, this is not a sports blog. That field and category is so saturated from Deadspin to Brooks on Sports to I've Got Big Balls and I Know How To Use Them that I don't need to go into that tangent...plus, I don't have the time or the effort to interview coaches set to infinite repeat on their pressers to quadruple-checking stats and figures. But, here we are again at the middle of the college football season and I am turning sour like a college student's refrigerator.
But my disdain is not sourced from my team of choice, my beloved Longhorns. The University of Texas football club is making another undefeated run similar to 2005, which started the premature demise of Vince Young. The team, players and coaches are taking care of business, even with personnel shuffling and a simple philosophy of maintaining their fate in their own hands. To quote the venerable Mack Brown, "We are in the same position that we were last year. We controlled our own destiny last year being number one in the country after this game. And we let one second take it away from us and put it back in the system." Obviously, the team is saying the right things. Without nitpicking every single play from scrimmage, the team is responding to the words being said.
No, my anger and frustration is coming from the "system". But the "system" is far more outstretched than the idling computers computing the Bowl Championship Series formulas and analytics. The "system" includes the soothsayers and provocateurs that spew verbal vomit every Thursday through Saturday.
It's a dysfunctional relationship. As a college football fan, you wake up, take the dogs down, fire up the HD set and watch "the premier college football pregame show". As far as fans are concerned, it's the only pregame show. Hell, Big 12 Live on FSN has the production value of public access compared to the massive roadshow that is Gameday. Gameday is like your ex-girlfriend. She's pretty and fun and you learn something from her. Then, later on, she starts yelling at you, throwing dishes at your head, drinks too much and insults your mother, flirts with other dudes, then disrupts your whole system of beliefs. You love her, but she is emotionally draining, no matter how much fun she is.
Add the dysfunction with a completely subjective polling with the Associated Press, the Coaches' Poll and the Harris Poll. The AP poll lost it's teeth when removed from the BCS computer formulas. However, for some strange reason, I trust the AP because of the depth and diversity of the voter. The Coaches' is always skewed with axes to grind and conferences to bolster. The Harris is the biggest wild card because the "administrators" that have a vote could have no idea what a football looks like.
The straw that breaks the camels back is the Heisman discussion. For an award that is given before the bowl season, it takes up too much time and effort for journalists, broadcasters, analysis, scouts and random experts for something completely subjective that lately never translates professionally [see: Wuerffel, Danny]. Add the skew of former winners having a vote, and you have a discussion not only disruptive to the action week by week, you take away the team element to the ultimate team sport.
So, every weekend this season, these three annoying factors ruin a currently undefeated season from my favorite team. It started early with the Tebow-Bradford-McCoy constant interrelation of action. If Tebow is making out with a co-ed he doesn't love, the "system" wonders if Bradford and McCoy is doing the same thing (the last statement was a joke...we all know all three potential millionaires are performing mission work in third-world counties, simultaneously). The hype, even before the first snap, was getting to a dangerous level. The week one catastrophe of Bradford's injury turned the tailspin of hype into a monster of unnecessary, repetitive press into more hypothetical non-news of the future demise of Tebow and/or McCoy. Then Tebow went down...hard. The Heisman chatter was at a ridiculous level bringing in non-factors, one-gamers and dark horses...three full months before players are INVITED to the award.
Then there is constant drumbeat of "the SEC is the most awesome-est conference in the galaxy" that smart people always default. When will the "system" learn a) quit being lazy and watch a Mountain West or a Big East game once in a while and b) the teams in this conference always cannibalize each other. If it's not a scare like Alabama v. The Fightin' Lane Kiffins, it will turn somewhere else (...wait for it...). In 2007, LSU loses to a ranked Kentucky team and an unranked Arkansas team. They were rewarded with a National Championship bid where they beat Ohio State for their second crystal football in four years. They lost two games and still got the nod. Tandem that with the fact that the flip-flop number one team this year in Alabama was embarrassed in it's last big game that was outside the SEC. Every year, the loudest of the microphones fall back on this exhausted premise.
So, with the press fueling the "system", I can't enjoy a smashing win from the Longhorns against a Big XII North team like Mizzou, in their house, during their homecoming. Every time I hear Kirk Herbstreit on a monologue of how "tough" Alabama is in escaping Knoxville and how ugly UT is in taking care of business in Columbia, I want to punch him in his beautiful face. The "system" protects Tim Tebow and the Florida Gators with multiple number one votes and Heisman contention while chastising Colt McCoy and the Texas Longhorns with limited votes and disappointing qualifiers and mitigation. Garbage.
And why the hell is USC always receiving undying affection from the "system"? With foolish predictions like this, it makes watching and reading and following college football unbearable.
My ways to fix the "system":
- The Heisman should be awarded after the bowls. As a matter of fact, all the individual honors should be given after the triple-zeros are on the scoreboard. The only argument is the closing argument. If the Heisman is loosely representative as a team and individual award, then assess the whole body of work, not just twelve-thirteenths of the composite.
- Don't publicize the polls, especially the BCS. If you are going to incite rage, do it once. The natural discussion of comparison of teams will be there. There is no reason to put such stress on a flawed, subjective polling system when all that matters is the endgame. Make it like college basketball where no one knows if you are dancing until the selection show (hosted by Lee Corso and Lou Holtz...hilarious).
- Include everyone in the BCS. No more "BCS Busters". If you are a big school and a viable competitor for a conference championship, there is no reason for exclusion. Again, naturally, college football fans and media will generate discussion for your Boise States, TCUs and Utahs as potential champions. But the subjective, cherry picking, you are in/you are out choices hold the same credibility as the judging system for "Project Runway".
- In relation to exclusion, no more independent teams. That's right Notre Dame. Go to the Big Ten (with twelve teams). NBC can modify their contract to include the Big Ten Network. Army and Navy can make an Air Force Academy move and find a natural home in the Big East.
Maybe with those fixes, I can enjoy an undefeated season (potentially) in peace. These fixes are designed to remove the talk and chatter and asinine comments from the press (the prime mover of the "system"). Why talk about subjective issues when you can't see them? And that's all I want to do on a Saturday afternoon - watch some football of the alma mater, talk some trash about OU and pass out with the knowledge that some idiot in Bristol won't influence some mouthbreather in Atlanta to kick out the Longhorn from an undefeated campaign to a bid to Tempe...for another Tortilla Chip Bowl. Is that too much to ask?
Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Patience is a learned virtue.
2) If morale and confusion rule the day, then products and production suffers.
3) You can burn out a router. Seriously, it can just cook itself and burn out. I did not know that.
Well, I think I have taken care of the football post for the year. Too bad I have to suffer with Brent Musburger reminding us every week that Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley are roommates. Maybe we can exclude random factoids during game telecasts? A man can dream, can't he? Talk later.
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