Several Random Topics All At Once

From this perspective, every topic is random

Let's be honest, I think I speak for everyone when I say that the first three months of oh-ten have been retarded (I used satire). On this eve-eve of St. Patrick's Day - the day he drove all those snakes from Ireland then we appropriately drink green beer at two bucks a pitcher (what?) - and on the eve-eve-eve of The Madness (what, you haven't filled out your seven brackets yet?), my brain and consciousness can only handle scattered thoughts and expanded Twitter entries. So, why don't we load this literal shotgun of scatter-shot and see what we hit, shall we?

I start with a question: would you rather have full job security with all the benefits you could think of, but have to work the absolutely worst shift known to man OR work for a spot with a shaky stance for continued employment with the hopes that someone might pick you like it's some grade-school dodge ball game? See, that's a trick question because I already made that call. However, the worst shift to man is terrible (ref: Cleveland Brown, "Terrrrrible"). Come 29 March, I will clock in...at 11PM. Yeah, you read that right. HEB shelf stockers have a better shift than I do. It's a 10-hour schlep with three on and two off. So, I'm like the fireman of cyber security...but it's not a 24-hour shift. Well, that parallel didn't make me feel better! Anyway, that's coming. At least I get to visit Boston before I turn into a vampire. But it's okay, sports fans. I signed up for this. But, I won't be doing this tour forever.

Responsibility is an awesome power because it gives you foresight such as, "hey, I think we should take a cab tonight." Might I say that cabs are brilliant. Whoever thought of cabs is a certified genius. I go out. I get silly. Someone drives me home. It's absolutely brilliant. It's so effective in it's simplicity that I kick myself for not using cabs earlier. Yeah, I will admit it. But, seriously, this cab thing is awesome.

Is anyone else in the camp of celebrity-news-makes-me-lose-brain-cells? I know I can't be the only one thinking, "Why do I care what Jessica Simpson thinks of Gabby Sidibe? Wait, how do I know who Gabby Sidibe is? Oh, never mind, I know why? Because she was on 'The Soup'. I watch 'The Soup' to shortcut all the terrible television out there so I don't have to suffer through it." I just can't be the only one. But seriously, why is Charlie Sheen's (his name is Estevez!) court appearance infiltrating coverage on POTUS's last push for health care reform? Granted, John Boehner has a Hollywood orange skin-coating...err...tan. But still, leave it out. Baby steps toward Idiocracy is not a winning formula.

I think everyone should go out to dinner on a school night. There is a 100% possibility that you will either end up with heartburn or a hang over, but sometimes enjoying other people's company on a night you wouldn't normally reserve such activities for, it adds that fear of, "oh, I have no idea how I am going to feel tomorrow, but damnit, I am going to have another scotch." Sure, the risk is there, but sometimes the reward is just getting out of your comfort zone, even for a few hours, to throw that hair back and feel like a man (or woman) of leisure. It's a great feeling, especially if you have accomplices.

I may have to go into a part two, but that's enough shotgun target practice for today.

Lessons Learned, my three things.
1) Nothing against my surrogate home town of Austin, but if you ever have to plan anything in that crazy city, DON'T DO IT DURING SXSW (no hyperlinks needed, just search austin360.com, wired.com or sxsw.com and you will understand the Charlie-Foxtrot that city is right now until Sunday).
2) Amazing that a miserly nerd can a) get a show on TELEVISION and b) scare the eff out of everyone simultaneously. Where's my agent?
3) This town does St. Patty's Day (weekend) right. Great job, Dallas Drunks.

So, sneak preview of next week's post...the Inglorious Basterds of Whiskey Bar are having a reunion. The only difference is...we all have WAGs (wives and girlfriends). Very...very...extremely interesting. Oh yeah, and it's during the last weekend of SXSW. Yeah, I am going to need to post this. Talk later.