I Still Don't Get It

D-Small and I at a concert...that is not a cover band (circa 2006).

Much love to Patty and G-funk for making this post possible. Patty calls me two weeks ago and hooked up The Lovely and myself with tickets to The Spazmatics for the first Friday of the month show at Brewster Street. I just thought this was going to be a simple dinner-and-a-show evening. Until I found out 1) Spazmatics is the "number one" cover band "in Austin" and B) "they sold out the last couple of times they were in town."

Let's analyze this for a second. I would like to preface this analysis by saying I tried it, so I can knock it. It's the same principle behind "if you don't vote, you can't complain." I can't "knock it" until I do "try it". And they put on one hell of a show (more on that further in this post). I will always appreciate the hard work and the hours of effort it takes for ANY band, whether it's a harp band playing for the Chamber Music society or it's some Fleetwood Mac tribute band. I will never talk down about effort. However, I will talk some noise if their music is terrible...you know, like Nickelback-terrible or JaRule-terrible. So, before my four readers get pissed about my jerkitude toward cover bands, I understand the work involved. But, I will admit that it's ten times easier to use other people's creativity than to create your own music.

There were two huge antics to speak of with this cover band sell-out phenomenon: 1) retro music makes old people feel better and B) Corpus is just straight-up fucking weird. Yes, I'm sorry, I think the language is appropriate because of the weirdness.

Everyone appreciates a simpler time. A time when you didn't have to pay a rent/mortgage, a car note, college loans, unnecessary cell phone charges or have to worry about war, economics, global pandemics, taxes or DVRing The Hills. All we had to worry about was: where the party was at, what goofy hat/shoe/pants/shirt combination we were going to wear and what cover story we were going to give the parents when we got home. For most of my generation, the 80's and the MTV revolution was the quintessential symbol of the simple time. The Spazmatics understand and harness that knowledge. Not only do they harness that knowledge, they profit with that honing of music craft that quirky 80's tunes that sing themselves. If you play the first three bars on the guitar, they will come. I cannot hate the players. I also can't hate the game since I fall into the same trap. That's why there will also be a classic rock/80's station just as much as there will be a Spazmatics. And it makes us feel better every time we hear "Pour Some Sugar On Me".

The Sasquash and I joke about our favorite bar restroom graffiti. "Corpus is like being trapped in a bad Knight Rider episode." Damnit, I wish I would have been fast enough to think of that one. After ABC and Concrete Street, Brewster Street is one of the bigger live music venues in town (I wish there was some documentation on this, but I will ballpark the venue at 500-600 capacity before fire marshals are called). This show sold out. This town doesn't sell out of anything. I wish I had some solid stats, but if you talk to anyone that works for Ticketmaster or any box office, they would agree that this town rarely sells out of any show. But a show for A COVER BAND sold out of one of the larger venues in town. That gives any outsider an indication as to how "easy going" this place is (or how time-warped CC is). This would be the impetus for Bob Dylan and Judas Priest showing up and earning an honest day's pay...past due 20-30 years when they were culturally pertinent (as opposed to a cultural influence on modern-day artists).

And what concert in Corpus would be complete without multiple barfights, motorcycle bandidos, and drunkards getting summarilly dismissed?

I don't get it. I don't get how a cover band, no matter how performance-driven the show is, can sell out of a 500+ venue. I don't get it how younger kids think checkered pants and reversible Chuck Taylors are fashionable. I don't get how a town with a solid college-aged population can't draw more progressive acts to play here (not to knock "Texas Country", but I mean national, rock-and-roll acts or Top 40 acts). I don't get why there are so many idiots that can't hold their liquor or temper for a show to just have a good time. I don't get the perpetual rut we, as a community, are in...

But to the last point, I understand why we backslide. I am a victim just as much as everyone else. We remember our first make-out session. We remember "going-around" for the first time. We remember the new and fascinating events and moments, whether poisonous or benign. And it makes us smile. It makes us laugh. Hell, it makes us dance like a jackass and scream at the top of our lungs all the lyrics of "Just A Friend". We have a soundtrack for the good times.

I get that. I just don't get the rest of the Corpus temporal amnesia. And that is why we can't have nice things.

Lessons Learned, my three things:
1) I love the Poles. I love people of Polish decent. I now (officially) have Polish family members. And boy, do they know how to party - more so organize a wedding. Congrats to Gary Lee and Jerilee (she's the newbie) on their nuptials. Everything was top-notch and tons of fun. And it's always good to see family.
2) G-Love, E-doo's and Hil's new arrival, is one great baby. I am a huge fan of babies that pass out on the pectoral muscle, not straining or hindering any of the arm muscles--then again, he is only about 8-9 pounds. G-Love, it was an absolute pleasure to meet you. And it's always good to see family.
3) Reference books are for skimming. Novels are for reading. Children's books are for laughing at. And Twitter entries are for sufferers of ADHD.

I have got a fun week up ahead. Meli is primed for another entry soon, which I have previewed and think will be a doozy. And it looks like I am going to play The Donald as I start hiring and "You're Fired"-ing some contributors. That's right. The economy and job market is so harsh, my premium blog has to make some changes. Fortunately, the severance package includes a free beer or wine (choose one) and relentless heckling in future post. Talk later.